Have you ever lost something and frantically looked all over for it? Or have you ever lost something and it just made you sick to your stomach when you knew it had been lost? Have you ever searched for the Lord to the extent that you have when you lost something of great value to you? I can say yes yes and yes! I remember the day I thought I had erased all 400+ photos from our honeymoon to Hawaii. I was sick, I wanted to curl up and die, I wanted to just beat my head against a wall. Praise God that feeling went away after I found out my brother in law could possibly restore all of the pictures, and he did! Praise God or I would probably be sick to my stomach about it still today; actually just thinking about it makes my tummy turn.
I remember the time I thought I had misplaced $100. I searched high and low and everywhere in between until I found it. Thankfully it was found. There have been times I have lost something that I never did find and had to give up. Giving up is not usually an easy task for me. Once I set my heart on finding something or doing something, there is usually no turning back and no letting go. Which can sometimes be helpful but can also be hurtful in certain circumstances.
My time that I search for the Lord with all my heart and all of my being was when I was faced with the decision to forgive my mother for all the pain she had inflicted on me as a child. I know now that God had a plan and placed me in the family that he did for a reason. I look back now and know that forgiving her and breaking that cycle of bitterness was the hardest thing I have ever done in my life and it built perserverance and hope in my life and most of all strengthened my relationship with Christ. One of the verses that helped me get through such a difficult time in life was
Romans 5:1-5 "Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into out hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us."
I had hope that through the Holy Spirit I would be anew work through the Lord and He would change my heart. Praise the Lord for working in me and through me to change my heart and my thought process. Thank you Lord for your forgiveness upon us and your love for us regardless of our faults. Thank you for removing the bitterness that had built up in my heart for so long. I love you Lord!
Psalm 103:12 "as far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us."
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